pattiez's blog

...is good =)

Some things have changed, but I think it's for the good. I've had a conversation with Kay and I suppose what I did was the best way to do it. When I "reply all" to the lunch crew meet up email, I just took his email out. Hopefully next time people will copy and past the emails from there and not send it to him anymore. Subtle? I hope so.

So there, you people who read my blog know too.

Labels: dear diary

I planned to move out with a friend next year. Honestly, I would still love to, but I don't think she's interested in that anymore. We change our priorities and it's okay. Now I have more financial freedom to travel.

I really don't have any reason to move out. I have a roof over my head. I have my own room and and washroom space. My parents are always there for me, and so forth. But I do want to experience living by myself. I have an obsession with picking up responsibilities. I enjoy proving to myself that I can be independent. It makes me feel safe that I know I can take care of myself.

I enjoy escaping. Although traveling to different places is great, I simply just like taking a break from my responsibilities once in awhile. I think what I'll love to do in the future is a position where I can work hard for a period and then take a break for a period. I rather stress myself for a few months and take a short break, then have a nine to five job. If I wasn't going to go to Toronto this year, I think I would just book a hotel room in downtown Vancouver for a few days to escape.

Who's better at pampering you than yourself? You know what you love and what you enjoy. I sat at a food court today sipping my cherry mocha and it was the best fifteen minute I've had by myself in the past few weeks. It was nice.

I've never noticed how much of a bond I've developed with my coworkers. We are a staff of over 50 people, but with a handful of them, I can have a great time. It must mean much if I can spent four nights in a row with them--that's work and going out. But then again, I spent two intense weeks with some of them during the Olympics. I feel lucky that I have them in my life.

I'm happy that I found someone that loves me as much as I love them. It's rare to find a friend like that. She's not here to replace anyone (for those who read my blog). The old could never be replaced by the new. She has a special place in my heart and despite new friendships arising, she will never be forgotten. But anyway, this lovely lady is pretty much my twin. It's scary because I've said in the past that I would hate someone if they were exactly like me. However, we have enough differences that we can be amazing friends. Then again, this friendship is relatively new, so I can't say much. Maybe talk to me in another four years.

Then there's another. He's pretty awesome. Although, sometimes he spills his guts when he's under the influence. Whatever the case, we can confide in each other. It's odd to be comfortable and trusting with someone so quickly. And before any assumptions are made, no, we are not interested in each other.

I think the guys find it odd that I can hang out with them (with no other girls around) comfortably. On top of that, I give them honest answers about girls. But hey, I suppose that's what I'm good at sometimes. Anyway, I like to think I can fit in with the guys at times... with the exception of their mundane conversation about hockey sticks. Honestly, they can get really in depth when talking about the flex, length, and materials. Zzz. I probably surprise them with some of the comments I make. My degree of censorship varies with the setting... muahahaha.

I'm enjoying my life. Most things are good. I try not to publicly announce the negatives in my life. The more I keep a happy face on, the more I genuinely feel happy (sometimes).

It's one in the morning. Maybe I'll sleep before 4 am for once. It'll be nice to get a decent amount of sleep... just maybe. Good night world.

Labels: dear diary

There's so much I want to do with my life. I've always been the person that jumps from one place to another. Yet at the same time, when I sit back and look into my life from the outside, I feel very lonely.

What I know and what I feel are such separate entities (I question my word choice, but hey, this isn't a formal paper). I know that I am making an impact in people's lives. I know that I am not just another person walking down the street. I know that I can and I will make a difference in the future. Yet at the same time, I feel like I can disappear and no one will notice. And if they do, I can be easily replaced.

Sometimes it seems like I'm just there. I suppose it's the consequence of always hurrying around. I don't spend hours upon hours developing friendships. But at the same time, I try to be there for people when they most need it. Selfishly, I feel like people don't have time for me. We all lead busy lives. I'm not going to compare who's busier because different people have different ideas on how they want to spend their time. Yet it hurts to see that I am rarely (if ever) called out to hang out, have a cup of coffee, or even have a study date. I understand I have a history of being busy (and still am), but that doesn't mean that I don't do other things.

It sounds like I am complaining now. I am not. I'm just typing my thoughts down. Sometimes it helps just letting it out. Although it's probably better to talk to someone rather than screaming it out to the world (not really, but blogging is very public and I have no idea who reads this).

I'm just procrastinating at this point. I need to step back and take a breather. My shift today got canceled. I'm happy and sad about it. I'm glad I have more time to do work. Yet at the same time, I need the money.

I don't need income in the sense that I cannot survive without it. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to have a financially stable family to provide the basic needs. Sure, I pay for tuition and so forth, but it's because I choose to, not because I need to.

I am excited for coop to start. It'll provide the opportunity that I was looking for, plus the income that I want. I was cleaning my room the other day and I realized that I have a lot of stuff. I've collected many treasures (in my eyes) throughout the years. Many things that I figured I should keep because it may be useful in the future. I think I'm going to clean it out. I want to overhaul my life.

There are closets full of stuff I don't use anymore. I have books and magazines. I have shelves full of craft supplies. I have boxes full of old learning materials. I have tubs of childhood toys. I have piles of clothes. I have bags of makeup. I want to clear it all up. Maybe I'll sell some stuff and donate the rest.

I don't want to part from them because they are my possessions. Yet at the end of the day, if I haven't touched them for months or even years... how important are they? Do I really need it?

That way of thinking has really curved my shopping styles. I love purchasing new items. But I know that if it's not something I need and if I don't deserve the little treat, I shouldn't bring it home--even if it's a good deal.

I don't plan to change my life. I have no need to do that, but I want to start on a clean slate. I think my cleaning out my stuff, it'll help me clear my thoughts as well. I need to get rid of all the baggage that's weighing me down!

That makes no sense... meh. By the way, if you're still reading, do you enjoy my change in subject? There's no way I can tie this post together into a coherent idea. Plus, I do that enough already for school. Also, there are many flaws with the thoughts I've typed up in this post. Don't you think I deserve to type mindlessly?

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I just did a word count and it said I typed 737 words. Wow. Procrastination much?

Labels: dear diary